Balancing Obedience and Independence

Life is a revolving door. A roller coaster of decisions. Am I in or out? Should I stay or go? Should I change careers or not? Should I tell her/him or be quiet? Should I begin this project or not? Should I sign this contract or wait it out?


Decisions are tough because they always involve others. If we lived in a bubble and decisions we made only affected us, life would be much easier.

It usually boils down to this: Should I be independent and go with my own decisions, regardless of what those around me think? Or should I be obedient and go with others' decisions, or at least come to some compromise with them?


The world is made up of human interactions and relationships.


We have to preserve some relationships obviously, so we can be thriving and fully existent humans. We can only thrive if we support and are supported. Love and be loved back. Influence and be influenced back. Care for and be cared for in return. All these must be positive, growing, and forward-moving interactions for all parties.


But we do not need to hold on to relationships that are continuously negative just because of…this reason, that reason.


No reason is good enough for staying in a relationship or partnership that is destructive to your soul, pulls you down, keeps you up at night, gets you emotionally and physically sick, and basically gets you out of your natural flow of life. The flow of life is that state where you are living effortlessly, where you don't notice time passing by, and your gifts and talents are manifesting, and you feel peaceful.

My rule of thumb is no adult above the ages of 18–21 should continuously get you out of your flow. We are all flanked by our own lifelines, and we can only change ourselves. If you stick around in obedience hoping and aiming to change the other party because you’re in a dysfunctional and negative relationship, you are wasting your time. Or even if you don't have the intention to change that person but are waiting it out hoping things will magically get better, despite the fact that the person is repeatedly showing the same traits, you are wasting your time.

People change if and when they want to.

So if being obedient means giving in to continuous negative and abusive behavior from them just so that everyone is “happy,” so the kids are okay, so family doesn't think you’re impatient, or because it's culturally right, or because you are afraid you can't survive without them, you're completely sabotaging your state of mind and subsequently your life purpose.


Which brings me to this: If your flow and life purpose are tightly linked to someone else's, it is time to reevaluate your life. If your ability to carry out your life purpose is dependent on someone else's, you need to ponder your decisions.


Obviously, there are exceptions here. Our children 0–18/21. Disabled family or friends. I mean physically or psychologically disabled. Not excuses or spiritual and emotional imbalances. You are not responsible people who are having trouble with keeping their overall lives in balance.

Juggling obedience and independence is a balancing act we all have to face from time to time in life. It hits us in all directions at some point—nuclear and extended family, friends, coworkers, business colleagues. If it is an adult constantly getting you out of your flow of life, you have a very important decision to make. Sorry to say, but you will have to make the tough decision to “Let go and Let in better.”


Better—what God planned for you.


Look for your flow of life, learn how to remain there, and be permanently happy.