Are you tired and weary? Exhausted?
There was a phase in my life where I was always tired. It was really all through my 30s. That phase coincided with having my daughters, raising young girls, opening my practice, and navigating all this while being married and sharing life with my spouse at that time.
Those years were tough. When I look at pictures of myself then, I actually look older in some of the pictures, and in some, I looked obviously unhappy and drained. As well as pounds heavier. Pictures say a thousand stories. They really do.
Juggling raising daughters, driving them to school, attending school functions, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping, seeing patients, managing a new business, teaching medical students, taking care of myself, and then most of all navigating and making sense of all the cultural and social expectations of being a wife and mother drained me. The husband’s expectations, the husband’s family’s expectations, drained me and sucked the energy out of me.
Expectations on a human being’s soul are energy draining. Don’t let the expectations you have or they have ruin the relationship.
There was just so much of “you do it.” “It’s your job.” “No, it’s your job.” “It’s a man’s job.” “It’s a woman’s job.” Whoa…back and forth it went.
I know this happens in a lot of marriages and other love relationships. We expect so much from each other instead of expecting less or nothing and just loving and respecting each other and having loving boundaries.
Expectations lead to major resentments in relationships, especially in marriages. Expect little from others; expect a lot from yourself, and you’ll find peace.
So my marriage dynamic continued for a long time. It eventually led to divorce.
And I rebuilt my life, self-educated myself on the true dynamics of life. And I’m now fully aware of what that is.
I read the Bible for meaning, allowed my home-church pastor’s teachings to soak into my heart. I read a lot of books when going through my divorce, and I still do. All this gave me loads of wisdom.
I fully realized that if you sit around expecting others to do things for you, if you demand it or tell them they owe you, it leads to chaos, turmoil, and major resentment in unions. People do things for you and serve you only if they want to.
So I realized I was fully responsible for my own life and with God’s grace, it was all possible.
I carried that vital knowledge with me, and it has brought me peace and happiness since my divorce. My life is now more effortless even though I’m still raising my daughters, running my practice, teaching medical students, owning a home, and definitely still taking care of myself. And now, I have this new huge and rewarding venture—my writing, which has opened magnificent doors for me.
But my life is structured differently.
I now ASK for HELP. For my life to work, I learned from all my reading that I had to outsource some of my life.
I have a cleaner; handyman for odd jobs around the house; and personal assistant for myself, who is also a sitter for my younger daughter—she drives her to school and most places. I use a meal delivery service 80 percent of the time (this works perfect because I honestly no longer enjoy cooking, and I can get healthy tasty foods in the right portions). I personally ride Uber 80 percent of the time, which is ever so convenient.
This is all money well spent for me because it grants me time to build up on my creativity and to embark on new projects, improve the ones I have, and just really live well and truly thrive.
Asking for help and outsourcing my life’s demands has changed my life for the better. For the a lot better!
We must practice putting aside savings or a budget just for asking for help. The reason a lot of women are chronically exhausted is because they want to do it all by themselves or they have been brainwashed or forced by their spouses or extended families that it is their responsibility to do it all. So they go with that flow and they keep doing it all. They struggle through day to day, they live with resentment every day, and they stick with it, putting living a free, purposeful, and happy life on hold indefinitely.
They get more and more exhausted and eventually lose the zeal for life. They stay stuck and life passes by until one day they wake up. But some never wake up, unfortunately.
It takes a village to raise an adult.
Ask for help.
Have discussions with your spouse. Communicate what your dreams and aspirations are. Discuss ideas about getting help for the household to take the load off both of you so you can live out your own individual, and maybe collective, dreams.
Do not keep your dreams on hold for too long or quit on your dreams because of marriage. If you do, you’ll have major resentment and regret in the future.
If you’re tired, say so and carve out ways to rest on a daily basis and nourish your own physical and spiritual life. You cannot give from an empty cup.
If your significant other truly loves you and wants the best for you, he or she will give you the freedom to be your best self and to live out your own dreams. Do not get exhausted to the point where you quit on your dreams.
You cannot put your life on hold because of one person—the other person in your relationship.
God gave you gifts to use to serve others—to serve and to change the world. Do not let your soul get so weary you quit on your God-given gifts. Your gifts are not meant only for your spouse or life partner. They were meant to be used to create change in the world.
Get some rest.
Put your hope in God and in yourself.
Don’t transfer all your hopes to another human being.
Trust yourself. Love yourself. Believe in yourself. Respect yourself.
Teach others how to treat you.
And give your soul rest on a daily basis. …And be permanently happy.