Self-Love First

It’s the week of Valentine’s Day. February 14. The day most people consciously remember to show love to a loved one, a secret admirer, family members. Some even propose or get married on this day of love.


It’s a beautiful day in every sense and in every meaning. Love is given. It is received. Flowers, chocolates, gifts all around. Many people feel appreciated, and they feel those heart-fluttering and stomach-bubbling sensations.

Problem is, this often is a fleeting period. One day, and then everyone slowly crawls back into their routines of complacency with relationships.


If only the world could continue at such a loving pace—how magnificently happy we would all be.


I’ve personally spent my last several Valentine’s Days at dinner with my daughters. I do hope when that special guy comes around, we will have Valentine’s Day on most days and not just on February 14. That would be a lot more meaningful, make a lasting effect on us, and sustain the relationship.


It’s the most beautiful gift one can give to others. Love. It feels good to give and to receive. However, it is not so easy to give love if you are not filled with self-love first. You cannot give what is not in your possession.

I’ve worked on my self-love for as far back as I can remember, but really consciously for the past ten years.


I’ve realized the only real, sustainable love comes from within first. Then once you love yourself and are at peace with who you are, this starts to attract people.


This could be good or bad. You may work on yourself so well and have so much self-love and self-assurance that you attract many people and may not have the wisdom to decipher those who are genuine.

So this is another piece of the puzzle. That second part comes with life experiences—being intuitive, watching the other person’s patterns and behaviors, and understanding how your soul feels around them.


It is actually easy to decipher this if you’re truthful with yourself. Our gut/intuition/inner self/God/higher power is always talking to us, but we often don’t listen. If you are sensing someone/something telling you your choice of person for a relationship is not good for you, listen.


Even if you don’t completely or immediately sever the relationship, give yourself time to tread carefully. Watch his or her patterns, and take time to understand how you feel around the person. Then once you make a decision to stay or leave, stick to it and don’t look back. You’ll thank yourself in the future.


If you’re not happy, not at peace with yourself, and not yet fulfilled on your own, then a partner is not going to help you achieve those. Don’t rely on a partner to help you complete yourself.

Work on you first, pave your path in life, create your life vision, fill yourself with self-love, then true love will find you. It may not be in your own timing, but since you’ll be pleasantly busy creating the life of your dreams, you’ll be OK. Very OK.


So love yourself first, and then it will be much easier to give love to others and to receive love from others.


As it goes in one of my favorite gospel songs “Shine Like Stars,” by Casey Darnell of North Point Music, “When we love one another, we light up the dark…we will shine like stars." 


May love, light, peace, joy, and permanent happiness be yours to keep on Valentine’s Day and every day!