Worry, if done constantly, and in excess, is poison to our souls. Worry does not solve any problems. Worry magnifies them and makes our problems and life choices insurmountable.
If you are constantly running the same idea, life choice, or life situation over and over in your mind and have consulted fifty friends and family members about it, and still cannot make a choice, that is unproductive poisonous worry. Or if you seemingly make a decision but are still not at peace with it for a prolonged period, and the situation keeps pacing back and forth in your mind, even after making the choice, that is also unproductive worry, and it will keep your spirit in bondage and lock down. A spirit in bondage leads to chronically curved lifelines. Our spiritual and physical lifelines cannot move smoothly forward if we are always worrying.
Life will pass you by if you cannot make decisions and be at peace with them.
Why can't some of us be at peace with our decisions?
Why can't we trust ourselves to know we will be just fine with the decision, or that the project will be successful?
Do we even know what we mean by a decision, project, or life choice being successful?
Are our expectations of our choices flipped so we are worrying about what doesn't even matter?
Are we so focused on money and riches and provision we are scared to trust ourselves?
Unproductive worry is common in those of us who have not taken the time to love, trust, and honor ourselves. If your love-, trust-, and honor-yourself needs are placed in the hands of someone else, you will worry for the rest of your life.
I know that sounds pretty harsh, but it is so true.
Let's look at it this way. It is a huge responsibility being responsible for someone else's happiness, peace, and significance. But some of us are so quick to dump our peace and fulfillment
processes in someone else's hands.
The only time this should happen is with our children. We adults are responsible for leading them on the right path. But once they become adults, they are responsible for themselves. We can still be present for them, of course, as appropriate and with boundaries, but their lives are in their hands.
If you, only you, yourself, just you are responsible for your own inner peace and permanent happiness, you will have no choice but to trust yourself, drop worry, and move ahead with peace and
confidence that you have made the right choices for you. You will then stick to your decision and pour everything you need into it to make it work. But one thing is for sure—you only want peace
for yourself, so you will be fine, regardless of the outcome.
However, if you are constantly looking to someone else for your peace and life purpose fulfillment, you will constantly be in a state of worry.
Let's back up a few paragraphs. Remember the harsh statement?
You don't trust yourself enough to love, trust, accept, and honor yourself. Imagine if you can't even do it for yourself and you've placed the responsibility in another human being's hands, how will you not worry? Your life is in his or her hands—that's a scary thing to do. Super scary for the recipient! And should be really really scary for the giver and the dumper too!
This dumping act occurs in all relationships—parent/child, friend/friend, mentor/person, husband/wife, boyfriend/girlfriend, partner/partner. The last three are the most common ones where this
dumping and placing of responsibility most often happens.
We women are quick to do this. A few men do it too. Women, we were taught to believe our spouses are the all in all and will provide "all" for us. A pretty hefty responsibility for a human being. A pretty hefty surrender of our own gifts and internal power to someone else.
Does it feel good, awesome, to be cared for by a man, to be loved by a man? Yes, it does feel good. Every man should love and cherish his wife or life/love partner, as appropriate in all relationships. But…that should not be the passport and the gateway to us surrendering our gifts, God-given power, or life purpose into his hands. If he wants you to do that, it's a bad idea. If you are the one who wants to do it, it's a bad idea.
So, if your life is filled with unproductive worry, it is because you have not learned self-love, self-trust, self-acceptance, and self-honoring.
You are enough for you.
When that’s not the case, you are constantly worried because your life goals and life direction are completely dependent on another human being.
That would certainly make me worried.
But you can change this. You can free yourself from the bondage.
Healthy relationships do exist with two people who individually trust and love themselves and give each other the space to flourish according to their own God-given gifts and power. Neither stops the other, but instead they are at peace with each other's goals.
Receiver/dumper relationships never work.
Lack of self-worth and self-fulfillment births unproductive worry.
Productive worry is when you are in control of your own dreams and goals and are working diligently to make them come alive.
This type of worry is short lived, as you are able to walk up the steps, achieve your goals, and be what God placed you in this universe for—to use your goals to inspire and elevate others. You are not pacing or walking around in a circle. You are walking up steps to the higher place.
Two people who join together in productive worry change the world. Their light shines, they live in freedom and at peace, and are good with each other.
This is because they know the importance of self-love, self-trust, and self-honoring before they committed to a relationship.
Now I’ll switch the title to:
Productive Worry versus Unproductive Worry.
My hope and prayer for you is to have more productive worry in your life and to work on phasing out the unproductive type.
It is possible!
Trust and love yourself.